THE MAYOR OF Memphis decided yesterday afternoon to resign. He wishes us to believe that this is delightful whim brought on by the rising joys of spring. He also said he would like to re-apply for his former position of Superintendent of City Schools, which is currently vacant (Memphis not having 'educational priorities', so to speak). Charming! What fun!

What is emphatically not being said is that clearly this man- who has been the mayor for sixteen long, dreadful years- has a skeleton which has not only jumped out of the closet, but has grabbed him by the throat and is currently throttling him purple on top of his desk. Imagine, if you will, what could possibly have brought about such a turn...!

For those of you who don't live in our fair city, allow me to offer a bit of background:
Willie Herenton was elected as the first African-American mayor of Memphis (a city which is by all estimates at least 80% African-American, making it the largest black urban population in the United States) with overwhelming black support. He has presided over several major corruption scandals and spent considerable effort adding to the general muckheap with his own.

Those which directly concerned him included, but were not restricted to, endless accusations of political favoritism and cronyism (appointing a woman with a Bachelor's in Marketing and nothing else, for example, to take over the entire library system after ousting the national award-winning former head); gross incompetence (at best) and fraud (at worst) with the local light, gas and water company; attempting to shut down voting mid-election several times; massive voter fraud; refusal to address the crime problem in Memphis, stating 'No mayor in any American city can solve the crime problem'; bizarrely hateful and/or racist rhetoric during his mayoral victory speech this year, full of invective for his detractors after running a campaign in which he refused to either advertise or debate AT ALL; and, perhaps most politician-y, fathering a child two years ago with a local waitress without express written permission from his wife.

With all this juicy scandal weathered so indifferently for a decade and a half, one must wonder what could possibly oust him now?!? What horror is so grave that it cannot ever see the light of day?

I can't help but be reminded of the immortal words of charming but morally bankrupt Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards: "I couldn't lose unless I was caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy."

Ciara is currently listening to Turn On Me by the Shins.