MY FRIEND OMAR began a McMuffin/McGriddle (sorry, McGriddles!) controversy in the comments which now has progressed into full-blown posting, if only because as I was researching the McGriddles phenomenon I came across some truly fascinating bits of information. Basically, he questioned if Dr. McMuffin loved the McGriddles as an homage to his original genius, or would he have shunned it like a red-headed stepchild?

Naturally I had to find out more about the McGriddles (I've never actually eaten one), and became instantly exposed to the deep, bizarre world of breakfast sandwiches.

In direct competition with McDonalds' original McMuffin is the Burger King Croissanwich- however, the technical spelling is actually "Croissan'Wich". I find this immensely pleasing, as they have followed to the letter (no pun intended) the rules of grammar which are so often abused in your fast-food chains. You put an apostrophe wherever you remove a letter when creating a contraction (the way "I'm" replaces "I am", and the much-maligned "they are" becomes "they're"- not "their", as so many people would have you believe). As BK is removing the '-d' from "sandwich" and the '-t' from "croissant" simultaneously, they've actually stuck in a very neat and correct apostophe. I salute you, King of Burgers.

But I digress. The Croissan'Wich has many variations, like the McMomo and the McGriddlesss. The plain-jane Croissan'Wich is a trifling 32 grams of fat- just a bit over your daily recommended intake, so you might need to bulk it up with the double Croissan'Wich. The double Croissan'Wich, with ham and bacon or double sausage, your choice, has a staggering 51 grams of fat. The only higher-fat things on the menu are the BK Triple Stacker and Quad Stacker (54 and 68 grams of fat, respectively), and the Triple Whopper with Cheese (84 grams of fat. 84! 84!! 84!!! Christ in a bucket!!). I'm certain that's what the creepy King eats, though possibly his is people-flavored. I'm a big fan of the creepy King. The McGriddles is only 21 grams of fat, so you should really eat about forty of them in a sitting. Starbucks is actually slowly and quietly rolling out their own version of the McMuffin throughout the country, though I'm hoping their momos will at least be whole-wheat. Their normal breakfast selection leaves more than a little to be desired.

This kind of fatola is mind-boggling. It's not as though most of what's in those patties is meat, after all. Instead, much of the meat-like substitutes in those burgers and bacons and sausages are actually carrageenan, which is a red seaweed extract. Lest you go thinking this miracle gift from the sea is somehow as healthy for you as a sushi seaweed wrap, consider that carrageenans are also used in fire-fighting foam, shoe polish, and as a sexual lubricant that could very possibly inhibit the transfer of certain STDs between partners. Mmmmm. McHerpalicious.

Lastly- to get the imagined taste of carrageenen-filled muck out of my mind- as I was reading my big red gardening book on the porch yesterday (and admiring my fine container garden handiwork, which is now complete- including two blackberry bushes- the excitement!), I came across the most entertaining bit of information I've heard in a long time. I thought it was hysterical; Jason was less amused. You be the judge: Apparently the word 'avocado' comes from a Native American word, ahuacatl, meaning 'droopy testicle'.

I now dare you to ever eat an avocado again without thinking of that.